Dopamine

They (unsung neurologists
or stranger on the street who can
get no stranger than the neurologists)
say avoid addiction,
especially if you have
an addictive personality.
But how can you identify
your own obsessive, unquenchable thirst
for fulfillment and anonymous approvals that you don’t believe
when they come from known sources
until after you have begged, plead,
and sunk your focus into it?
An inability to believe compliments
is an illness that heralds
a following depression and absence
of motivation.
It is not laziness.
It is not an inability to relate.
It is not lack of feeling
or feeling too much
or mistrust
or coldness.
It is that chemical faltering
and a body’s flaw
that leaves me
seeking
wanting
hoping
crying
and never quite accepting
how I appear.

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About E

Even as a child, I read voraciously. Writing has always been a natural outlet. Sometimes bordering on macabre or edgy, I was not always safe and even today I look at some of my writing and raise an eyebrow. Read me at your own risk. I am but a 30-something professional (don't ask a professional what, for I won't answer!) who spends nights as a dreamer and sometimes writer.
This entry was posted in dark, depression, poetry and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dopamine

    • E says:

      There’s actually a little story behind this: I read an article on Dopamine and how it truly causes people with an addictive personality to act. And I can see in my own addictions and my habit of jumping from hobby to hobby how this applies. How thrilled and proud I am when I accomplish something and how easy it is for me to grow bored, lazy in appearance, and downright depressed. It’s only by cycling through my hobbies that I can manage to maintain some appearance of normalcy, but the same cycle appears again and again. I was diagnosed as clinically depressed roughly twenty years ago and I have managed to mostly cope. I’m not suicidal and haven’t been for a long, long time. That doesn’t leave me in the same emotional state as most people and this helped me to understand WHY. And prompted this little poem.

      Liked by 1 person

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